Bowdoin Harpoon Correspondent

Jack Arnholz | Bowdoin College

President Donald Trump fired F.B.I. Director James Comey Tuesday over allegations that he misled the public. Trump apparently notified Comey over text.


“It sort of came as a shock considering everything we’ve been through,” said Comey. “I mean, I was the giving member of the relationship. I gave him romantic foot rubs, I gave him candlelit dinners, I mean, Christ, I even gave him the Presidency!”


“The least Trump could have done would have been to call me or take me out to an ice cream in the park,” Comey said.


Reportedly, Trump has already found a replacement for Comey. Mikhail Vladimirovich, a non-English speaking Muscovite, will head the F.B.I.

This piece was brought to you by the

Bowdoin Harpoon

Check them out for more freakishly funny content 

Hosted on